I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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