we're chasing vodka with high fives
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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