His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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