saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
