He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
