My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
