need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
