I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
