She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
