Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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