you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
