I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
