We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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