I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
