o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
