Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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