You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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