he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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