i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
