We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
