Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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