well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
