remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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