why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
