i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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