the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
