R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
