That's when you crack a 10am beer
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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