i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
