my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
