The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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