i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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