Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
