I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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