I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mom said you looked used
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
