He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
