I think my vagina is haunted
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
