life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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