I wish I could teleport
look no pants
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
