Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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