Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
