I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
