who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dicks are not precious.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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