he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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