In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
