I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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