Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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