so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
