Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
