she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
