Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
