This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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