if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
