Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
