Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
