when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
