Banned from zoo.
Again?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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