a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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