He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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