i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
