If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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