i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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