so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
