God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
