remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
