did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
