i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
