He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
