It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
